Oh, shit.

22 Jul

Someone hold me.

This morning Jude had his first appointment with his new Doctor. He recently received his new insurance coverage (longggg story) and hadn’t been to a checkup since February. So, on Monday when I called to book his appointment, I jumped at the first appointment Kaiser could offer us. The only time they could give me within the week was 9am on Friday. I  right away felt disappointed when the receptionist offered me the appointment, because I knew I would have to take both children by myself because Michael would be at work. “Maybe it wont be so bad?” I lied to myself.

So Wednesday I decided to try and take the kids out by myself to the mall (they have a play area for the kids) and see how things would go. I figured it would probably be easier taking them out the first time when I didn’t need to be anywhere at a specific time. I was right because (while it was stressful) I didn’t cry or have a panic attack, so I considered that trip a success. I started to feel a little confident about taking the kids to the appointment alone.

The kids woke up to start the day at 6:30am this morning. Michael and I forced ourselves to our feet and tried to set me up for success on this adventure. Michael fed Jude breakfast and tried to play with him while I nursed Ruby as long as I could and threw on some clothes. I felt like I was preparing for battle. Michael was quizzing me on what to put into the diaper bag and we tried to think of every possible “man down” situation that may occur.

{I should take a moment to say THANK GOD I have a helpful and loving husband. I couldn’t survive without him.}

I continued nursing Ruby until the last second we had to leave and we packed the kids into the car. I nervously kissed Michael goodbye and took some deep breaths. “I. CAN. DO. THIS.” I told myself over and over. We arrived at the Pediatricians office and I got out the stroller, I had actually figured out how to open it without injuring myself. Success. Next, I took out the kids and packed them into said stroller. Its a double “sit and stand” stroller, so Jude sits in a seat with just a lap belt. For some reason I could only get him half buckled in, even though I investigated this feature for over five minutes. I decided after awhile that I was going to be too late if I didn’t just head in to the office so I left it as is.

I walked up to the reception desk and told the woman we were checking in for Jude’s first visit. Things were going great… until Jude started squirming and begging to be out of the stroller. “Just a minute Baby” I tried to say as excited as possible. “You are doing so good sitting down with Sissy, just another minute!”  The woman behind the counter began asking me all sorts of questions and I tried really hard to focus on what she was saying (but was distracted by Jude’s loud whining, kicking and begging to get out of the stroller). She asked me for my ID and Jude’s insurance card, so I began digging through my diaper bag. At this point Ruby woke up and began crying. As I shuffled through the bag, the crying turned to screaming.

I believe this was the moment I broke out in full body sweats but I can’t say for sure. I scrambled around quickly getting out the cards to hand them over and unbuckled Ruby to take her our of her car seat to try to soothe her. A line of waiting parents with children began to form behind us. When I turned back around to the receptionist, she nervously looked at Ruby in my arms and then over at Jude. “Busy” she mumbled as she imputed information into her computer. She handed the cards back over along with a stack of paperwork to fill out (joy). I turned around to make our way out of line when I realized that Jude was no longer in the stroller. “OH MY GOD!” I gasped. I looked at the woman standing behind me in line as if to say, “Umm hello? Where’s my kid?!” and she pointed down the hallway and said dryly, “He went that way”. Hey, thanks douche, thanks for the warning. So there I go, Ruby on my left shoulder, running down the hallway shouting for Jude. I found him in the corner and grabbed his hand. He was pissed (of course) and kicked and screamed the entire walk back to the stroller. Sweating continued.

At this point the line for reception was approximately 10 parents deep, making my walk of shame seem even longer. I reached the stroller at the front of the line, I mumbled some apologies to the receptionist and tried to get out of everyone’s way. I put Ruby down in her car seat, strapped Jude back into his seat and made my way to the waiting area. Okay, you can do this, I told myself. I found a place to sit and tried to fill out the paperwork that was expected of me. Instantly upon sitting, Jude continued begging to get out of the stroller. I attempted to bribe him with some goldfish crackers and a toy airplane. This worked for 30 seconds until Ruby started screaming again. I attempted to give her a pacifier. No dice. She continued screaming and Jude began to get annoyed with her and felt the need to join in the chorus and started crying too. So, I tried rocking Ruby with my left arm, filling out the survey with my right and calm Jude down with my voice. “I know you want out Jude, but I really need you to be a big boy and sit in your stroller right now so I can do this.” I begged. “NO NO NO NO NOOOOOO!” He yelled back.

“Jude. Jude, Reese?” A nurse called out. Okay, its our turn. This will be like 5 minutes. Right?

I greeted the nurse and apologized for not having time to finish the paperwork. She told me she completely understood and welcomed us back. Oh thank god she is nice. I need nice. We were ushered into a room that my stroller was embarrassingly too big for. The nurse asked for me to get Jude undressed down to his diaper so he could get weighed. She offered to hold Ruby so I could have my hands free to get him undressed. I thanked her and handed over Ruby, who was finally calming down. I quickly removed Jude’s clothes and brought him over to the large scale in the corner. I tried to lay him down and he began to yell. “We want to see how big you are Jude! We need to see how much you have grown!” I tried to sound enthusiastic. I obviously wasn’t convincing because he just struggled harder to get off the scale. “Maybe try sitting him on it instead of laying him down?” the nurse offered gently. “Oh okay” I said as I picked him up to try and sit him on his bottom. “NO, NOOO!” Jude whimpered as if I was trying to get him to sit on a burning fire. He dug his nails into my arms, struggling to get away from the scale.

Ruby began to scream again. The nurse asked me if she was hungry. “I just nursed her like 20 minutes ago… for an hour… but she probably just wants to be on my boob” I replied. She looked at me strangely and asked me to bring Jude to the stand up scale instead. We were able to get him to stand on the scale long enough to learn he is now 27 pounds! I told him how proud I was of him and how big he is getting. He clapped for himself and said “Yaaaay!”. Ruby continued crying and I took her from the nurse with my free arm and tried to rock her while walking Jude back to the exam table with the other. He did not want to go back into our room (of course) and fought me. I somehow managed to lift him onto the table and set Ruby down in her car seat. The instant I set her down she began screaming. “Okay, lets see how long he is” the nurse said. We held Jude down as she measured him. “34.5 inches long”

Thankfully I had brought a bottle of breast milk and began rifling through the diaper bag to fish out the bottle for Ruby. “Okay the doctor will be in any minute” the nurse said tentatively and left the room. Instantly I wished she hadn’t left. Jude sat on the exam table in his diaper and I tried to hold his hand with my left hand and hold Ruby’s bottle in her mouth with my right. She calmed down and was happy to be eating again. Jude had turned around and was playing with all the medical equipment attached to the wall. “Oh no Budgie, please don’t play with those, no touching please! No, Jude…please don’t touch those…” He laughed, pulled the flashlight-ear-examiner-thingy and began banging it loudly into the wall. I tried to grab it out of his hand while keeping the bottle in Ruby’s mouth. “JUDE. STOP. NO!” I said sternly. He threw the thing-a–ma-bob into the wall. Really? I grabbed the “emergency” sucker I had packed in the diaper bag and gave it to Jude. He sat quietly. I finished filling out the paperwork. I tried to wipe the sweat off my forehead with the back of my hand.

Dr. Sara walked in. A sweet white haired woman with a big smile. I think she looks nice…and she was. We introduced ourselves and she asked me some questions about Jude’s lap in coverage and how he was doing. I felt embarrassed as Jude sat on the table at 9:30 in the morning with a sucker hanging out of his mouth.

“How is his speech? Is he saying over 20 words right now?” she asked. “Umm, I’m not sure, he seems to understand most of what we are saying, but still isn’t saying many words”. She shook her head thoughtfully and responded, “Well, does he put two words together yet?” My heart sank a little bit, “No, not really. I mean, sometimes he will say ‘No, okay’ but it doesn’t really make sense”. Dr. Sara continued shaking her head and began trying to examine Jude. Trying being the operative word, since he acted as if she was trying to hurt him. He was shaking and scared. It broke my heart. Luckily Dr. Sara was a very patient woman and took her time, tried to explain everything she was doing to Jude and spoke to him calmly. He continued acting like she was trying to murder him, so I laid Ruby back down again and held Jude’s arms down so she could complete her exam. Sweat was falling from my face onto his as he shook his head from side to side.

Finally the exam was over and the Dr said Jude looked and sounded great. “Now, if he doesn’t start to say more words or put more words together we may need to have him see a specialist just to rule out he doesn’t have any special needs or learning restrictions.” This was the final blow I could handle today. I shook my head, thanked her for her time and began trying to get Jude re-dressed. I wanted to cry but I knew I didn’t have time or energy to do so. Ruby was pissed again and I tried giving her her pacifier but she only spit it out to scream some more. Eventually Jude was dressed, the kids were buckled in and I somehow we were walking to the car. As we were walking through the parking lot, both children were silent. OH, NOW YOU WANT TO BE GOOD?!

We all got into the car. I felt like a dozen bricks were lifted off my chest now that I finally had made it into the drivers seat. I sat there a  few minutes trying to compose myself before starting to drive. I went over the appointment in my mind and tried to piece together what Dr. Sara had said. I realized at this point that Jude DID put two words together that made sense. I can’t believe I forgot to tell her that Jude knows how to say “Oh, shit!”

That really would have completed our great first impression I’m sure.


2 Responses to “Oh, shit.”

  1. Lauren July 22, 2011 at 11:53 am #

    You can do this. You made it out alive, no one called CPS, and Jude learned some
    I had my OB tell me not to bring Liam to any more appointments when I was pregnant with Finn, because he was a distraction.
    (He was offering the dumb betch goldfish crackers, and she apparently needed to keep my appointment to 3 minutes or under, and he was hindering that… I’m not bitter or anything.)

    If it helps you feel better at all, one of Liam’s first multi-syllabic words was ‘fucker’. He thought it meant forklift, so he said it all the time to everything that looked like a forklift.

    Did you know a lot of things look like a forklift? EVERYWHERE has something that looks like an effing forklift to an 18 month old. And apparently, said 18 month old felt the need to scream about forklifts when he saw them.

    Jude will get there. You are intensely literate. You are well spoken. He’ll be fine. Even if he needs a speech therapist, it’s not bad. My little brother said like, NOTHING until he was 2.5. He saw a therapist for a couple of months and BAM the freakin kid could practically recite the preamble to the constitution.

  2. Lauren July 22, 2011 at 11:54 am #

    Oops… I meant to say that “Jude learned some lessons in patience and being out and about.” ^ up there.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: