Three Years

24 May

Michael,

Three years ago at this time I was preparing to walk down the aisle and become your wife. Something I still consider the highest honor. There was not a single moment of questioning what I was about to do. In fact, within hours of our first (all night) phone conversation way back in 2005 I knew I wanted to marry you. I just had to figure out how to be good enough for someone who deserves so much joy. Miraculously, I somehow tricked you into thinking that I was funnier and more sane than I actually was. In those first (again, very long) phone conversations while you were on tour, I began to get scared. Scared that I could feel so much connection with someone so quickly. Scared it would end and I would never find someone comparable (there isnt).

Eventually, after months of pretending we weren’t in love when we were totally, ridiculously, obviously were…you asked me if we could talk. We sat on your bed in your parents house for 45 minutes in silence while you worked up to courage to ask me to be your girlfriend. I’m not sure if you can smile with every part of your body, but in that moment I felt like I was.

And so our love and relationship grew, but not without challenge. You stood shoulder to shoulder with me through the hardest times of my life. Heartache after heartache, challenge after challenge, you still wanted to be by my side. I wouldn’t have blamed you for wanting to run, but you only ran to save me, repeatedly.

You soon moved to San Francisco to attend school and our relationship was challenged again. You made the obstacle of living apart so much easier with your willingness to lose sleep and gas to constantly come to visit me. Despite exhaustively long hours of school and work, you always made time for me. I still felt like the most special girl in the world.

Then one night, you tried to force me to drink heavily. You acted weird. You took me to dinner and the park we went to on our first real date. You nervously got on one knee and asked me to marry you. My heart felt like it could explode. We began planning our wedding and you graduated. I will never forget how hard you worked, sometimes working 3 jobs, just to make things “work”. I admire your ability to always do the right thing, just because that is the type of person you are, not because its easy or convenient.

So there I was, exactly three years ago, standing with my brother at the end of a grass lawn, looking at you at the other end, waiting. I couldn’t help but cry (a lot). It would be the first time in my life that I cried from happiness. I was baffled that you wanted to give yourself to me and only me. Some days I am still dumb founded that you chose me to sleep next to at night. People always warn you about the first year of marriage and how hard it is. Well, it wasn’t. It was the best year of my life. We were so poor and overworked, but so unaware of it.

Then IT happened. I was (surprise!) pregnant with Jude. Despite a lack of planning, we were so happy for what was to come. Scared out of our minds? Yup. You took such good care of me. You made me so many of those damn delicious tuna melts. I lost my job and we tried not to have panic attacks (okay, I had like 20 of them). Then we were blessed again and you were given a promotion at work. I’ve never doubted how much you deserved the challenge, even though I know you did. I know you thought you were in over your head, but you weren’t. I’m so lucky to be married to someone so full of passion. Its not easy following your heart, but when you are doing what you love (and doing it so freaking well) you will always be happy. I admire you for taking a chance on yourself and doing what makes you thrive. It makes you a better person, husband and father.

Then after 10.4 long months, Jude was born. I didn’t think it was possible to love you any more than I already did, but when I saw you hold our son for the first time, my heart grew. It continues to grow everyday. Every time you choose Jude over yourself. Every time you get up in the morning to play cars with him instead of getting an extra hour of sleep. The best part of our day is when “Dada is home!”. You come through the door and Jude claps or greets you with a little jig. I feel the same way, but I try to keep my jigging to a minimum.

Now our love will continue to grow as we are blessed with the upcoming birth of Ruby. A name so adorable that only her Daddy could have picked it. I daydream about how much she too will adore you, as Jude & I do. She will never have to worry about her Daddy not being there for her. She will always be blessed and loved, because you are hers.

So thank you. Thank you for letting me be your wife. Thank you for always loving me, despite me being the worlds biggest pain in the ass. Despite me constantly nagging you about your damn dirty socks all over the house. Despite me always having something to say about everything. Thank you for laughing at my jokes and making light of the annoying things in life. Thank you for putting your family first. Thank you for always trusting me and proving yourself to be trustworthy. Thank you for thinking I’m beautiful and telling me so. Thank you for holding my hair back when I vomit. Thank you for rubbing my back when it aches. Thank you for calling me out when I am being ridiculous. Thank you for pointing out when I am wrong, even though I really hate it at the time. Thank you for making me dinner despite cooking all day long at work. Thank you for making mistakes so I can feel a little less embarrassed about what a pain in the ass I am.

I adore you. I love you with every part of my being. You are the best thing about everything.

Happy Anniversary.

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