Ramblings from a Stay-at-Home-Mom

16 Mar

So, I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Truthfully, staying at home with Jude allows me a lot of time to do just that THINK. Which, sure, can be a great thing but also can be a bit of a stressful thing for an recovering-anxiety-addict like myself (that’s another story for another day). I found myself sitting on the couch while Jude was taking a nap, thinking. I’ve come to realize that I spend most of my weekdays feeling a little lonely, bored and down-right crappy about myself. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being at home with Jude. I am BLESSED beyond belief that I am able to stay home with my son and that my husband is able to provide for me to be able to do so. It can just get a little…too routine for me sometimes.

Since the age of 17 I had worked full time (sometimes 2 jobs) and supported myself through college. Aside that, I’ve always had a busy social life and never seemed to sit still for too long and I loved it. I’m just that kind of person, I love to be busy. You would think a toddler and pregnancy is enough to keep a woman busy but no, I often put myself down for not feeling like I am doing enough. When I’m not feeding/changing/cleaning up after Jude I am usually working out, doing laundry, emptying the dishwasher, etc. When Jude takes his nap I will generally get online, blog, craft, catch up on a show, etc. So what is the problem? The problem is this, I still have this empty feeling like I could/should be doing more. I’m always beating myself up about how the house could be a little bit cleaner, how I should cook more, workout more, etc.

I am constantly putting myself down and I’m getting really sick of it. What is the point of my husband working his cute little ass off (you’re welcome, Honey)  if I am going to sit around and feel bad about it? Why am I wasting time and energy EVERYDAY feeling like a loser, when I could be focusing that energy into positivity?! I could spend that time being grateful and happy. Because if the last few weeks have shown me anything, it is that THERE ARE WORSE THINGS than too much free time. Much, much worse.

So, I am going to work really hard to start re-evaluating the way I talk to myself and the way I spend my time. I want to stop feeling like I am “wasting time until…” and start “enjoying my time until…”

I mean honestly…how could I be more lucky!?


One Response to “Ramblings from a Stay-at-Home-Mom”

  1. Lauren curry March 16, 2011 at 3:56 pm #

    Tiffany, you say “it” well. I really enjoyed reading this and truly appreciate the ending. You helped me to reevaluate my opinions of myself. Take care and thanks for brightening my afternoon 🙂

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