Happy first birthday to the most beautiful, sweetest, craziest, cuddliest, cutiest, smiliest, giggliest, loveliest, smartiest (we have no clue where you get it) Baby Goo in the whole Universe!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot believe it has been A WHOLE YEAR since the day you came charging into our lives. There I was, dealing with your crazy brother and your cutie father, in full fledged denial about having you. I kept telling myself “There is no way this baby is coming before 41 weeks” because your crazy little brother was almost two weeks late. Thanks, by the way, for not making me wait that long. But really? Preeclampsia and risk of stroke? Thanks Ruby. Its a good thing you are the most beautiful little girl I’ve ever laid my eyes upon.
I was in such shock when we went to the hospital on June 23rd and found out that, you would in fact be born that day. That even as they were stitching me back up (Again, thanks Ruby) I couldn’t believe it was finally the moment we had anxiously been awaiting for our whole lives. The day we would meet our daughter, the day Jude would meet his sister, his new best friend.
After surgery, they took me into recovery and laid you on my chest, my heart doubled in size and I knew that nothing in the world could make our family as happy as you made us that day. I was so nervous to attempt breastfeeding you, because Jude had NO interest in trivial things such as eating, sleeping or doing anything but be crazy. But your father brought you to me, the nurse to my right smiled and encouraged me and in a matter of a few minutes, you did what I never thought was possible, you latched. After two unwanted C-sections and a failed breastfeeding attempt with Jude, that moment validated me as a woman and a mother. We had and instant bond and I just couldn’t believe how unbelievably lucky our family was to welcome this gorgeous, beautiful, sweet princess into our lives.
And once you latched? You just kept on wanting to latch, girl. I knew to expect to breastfeed most of the first 3 months of your life, but girrrrrrrrl, you did not STOP breastfeeding for the first 3 months. Thank goodness Daddy bought me that iPhone4, nawwhatimean?
When we first brought you home, I think Jude liked you, but he pretty much hated us. For like…two months. So that was fun…playing on my iPhone, secretly loving every second of being “forced” to bond with you in a chair 6 hours a day.
I guess that magic boob juice did its thang because, you started to (slowly, really slowly) grow and develop and each day that passed I would look at you and think, ‘No seriously, this girl ACTUALLY gets cuter every single day.’ My favorite pass time became torturing you with an insane amount of wardrobe changes and gigantic bows and flowers on your head. You were such a good sport and often cooed and smiled as I took a ridiculous amount of photos of you each day.
Soon the fall came and we got SO excited to pick out costumes for Jude and you. We ended up dressing you up as a Puppy and a Kitty and let me tell you it was the cutest thing in the whole world. No, for real. We had a big party with all of your guys’ friends and you both had a blast. Thanksgiving came and went so quickly and soon it was your first Christmas. I tortured you even more than I tortured you before with wardrobe changes. I’d say I’m sorry, but…I’m not. You were very interested in watching “The Jude Show” as Daddy and I have named it, and you didn’t even act disappointed when Jude got all the good presents and all you got were more stupid bows and boring baby food. Of course you were both equally spoiled by your Nana, Grandpa, Papa, Lita & Aunties and Uncles. They even got you real presents, that’s love. Just remember who breastfed you in the chair 6 hours a day, mmkay?
All of the sudden it was 2012 and it has been….eventful to say the least.
In January Jude was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder and I think you were a little bit disappointed, because you enjoy The Jude Show and you really didn’t see the need for the volume to be turned down like the Doctors and us did. But you loved him despite his success in learning how to communicate more and his need to throw tantrums lessening. The second you started sitting up and attempting to crawl, a light went off in Jude’s mind that you were in fact awesome. His new best friend forever. He began kissing, hugging, playing and singing with you at every opportunity.
Now, as your Mama, I’d like to think that you save your brightest, most endearing smile just for me (THREE. MONTHS. BREASTFEEDING. Non-stop. Non. Stop.) but one day I saw your brother push Daddy out of the way to run to you and kiss you first thing when he woke up and there was no doubt in my mind that you in fact save your brightest, happiest, sweetest smile for your best friend, your crazy brother. And every day that passes, your relationship grows and changes. You chase, tackle, scratch and kick each other like wild animals. You snuggle on the couch. You share your food with each other (and coming from you, that’s a high honor) and sometimes even share your toys. I hope that your relationship will always stay this way, but alas that isn’t usually the case. But I hope when you are old enough to read this and really understand, you will remember that you saved your brightest smile for your brother at one time and no matter how hard life gets, I close my eyes and think of that smile and peace overcomes me.
February brought more challenges to our life than I really thought I could bare. My brother, your Uncle Bobby, tragically passed away on February 21st , he was only 22 years old. I wish he could have gotten the opportunity to hold and kiss you, but I know he saw pictures of you and bragged about how absolutely gorgeous you were. This was the hardest time in my life. I wanted to stay in bed all day and sob, but I had Thing 1 and Thing 2 running around my house like a pack of freakin’ wildabeasts 24/7. And you know what the most annoying thing Jude and you did? You just refused to stop being so damn cute & happy all the damn time. It’s as if you knew I needed to borrow your happiness, so you both tried extra hard to remind me how blessed and lucky I was and you both refused to let me be depressed. Sad was acceptable, but depressed was not even an option with the amount of cuteness I had being rubbed in my face all day.
So, can I brag about your Daddy now? Because you are one lucky little girl. He loves you almost as much as I do, okay maybe the same, and he has cherished you since the moment you arrived. He constantly works hard to support all of us and pay for all those stupid bows. He changes your diaper, snuggles you, sings to you, praises you, dressed you up and brags about you incessantly. I’m not willing to accept the possibility of you being a Daddy’s girl yet, but if I was you, I don’t know that I could help but be one. With how awesome and amazing I am, I know it’s hard to believe…but your Dad is the most amazing man I have ever met. He cherishes us like Daddies should, he is so much more calm, compassionate, open-minded and hard working than I could ever dream of being. The day we got married was the happiest day of my life, because it lead to the birth of Jude and then you. My biggest prayer for you is that one day you find someone as incredible as your Daddy, it will be hard, but you are much better looking than your Mama already, so I don’t worry too much.
Despite the challenges, it has been the best year of my life. Each day I spend with Jude and you is not always easy, but its always filled with love and happiness. Daddy and I may not always be able to afford all those stupid bows, but we will always be with you in heart and mind. Nearly every decision in our lives is based on the well being and happiness of you and your brother, and we wouldn’t trade it for the world.
A few weeks ago, I guess you decided you were done with breastfeeding, because no matter how many times I’d try to get you to nurse, you just wanted to be independent, run around and watch The Jude Show some more. I tried not to take it personally, but it was the first time in your life I felt like you needed me just a little bit less. It’s not a good feeling, but part of being a good Mom is allowing you to be who and what you want to be, so I will always try to support your choices, even if it means I don’t get to burn those extra 500 calories a day.
Please know that you can do anything you put your mind to. You are the best kind of girl…completely gorgeous, sweet, independent, hilarious and 110% completely fearless. Thank you for blessing our lives in every way. We love you so much more than I could ever put into words, but I hope this helps. Happy first Birthday Baby Goo!!!
Love you to the moon and back,